Broken Pedestal; Broken Marriage

I see it all too often…Marriages ending when the pedestal breaks.

You know that exciting time at the beginning of your relationship when everyone is on their best behavior? and looking their best? For example, in-shape, clean, man-scaped, polite, complementary, calm? That is the time when your significant other, AKA your S.O., is constantly complementing you, touching you, paying attention to you? That is the pedestal. It is brand spanking new. You are sitting right on top. Your S.O. put you up there. It’s a great feeling, I know.

The pedestal is a very important aspect to the beginning of a relationship. The beginning of any new relationship is very fragile. Because of the fragility, it is necessary to keep each other secure so the relationship will thrive. The pedestal is a critical tool at this point for this reason however, it is not constructed to last forever.

I am here to alert you that the pedestal does not come with a lifetime warranty. They always break. This action is ok for about 50% of marriages. Unfortunately for the additional 50%, divorce ensues shortly after. If you know of a couple that has been together for more than 10 years and their pedestal is still in “mint” condition, it is probably because someone had it secretly replaced (read between the lines here).

All too often I hear about couples that divorce because they are bored, or feeling under-appreciated or because the romance is gone…WHATEVER…this happens in all marriages. We have to work as a team to make time for one another and to keep the romance alive. It is easy to become lazy or comfortable when the pedestal breaks.  We can not rely on the pedestal to keep our marriages sufficient forever. It is an unattainable goal.

You might be thinking I am a skeptic or some sort of a “Negative Nancy”…No, I am not, I am a realist. I know that I am no longer sitting on top of my pedestal and neither is my S.O.. We are aware of this martial stage and have accepted it. As long as we are cool living without a pedestal, we will remain imperfectly-happily married. The individuals that are in need of the pedestal, AKA living in an idealist world, become disappointed and end up divorced or start searching outside the marriage for a new pedestal.

In the natural order of marriage your love for each other will become so secure and so confident that there won’t be a need for the pedestal anymore. Once you get over yourself and accept this, you will endure an everlasting love. Romance may fizzle, but the love is eternal and that is the true beauty of marriage.

Self disclosure: Sex will keep the marriage in tact. Keep doing it.

Hey! Aren’t You the Wrong Color for That?!

I shit you not…This is what someone shouted out to me as I was digging a hole.

It was a hot August afternoon, I was deep in dirt and exhausted from working on my front-yard landscaping project. Sweat pouring off my face, dirt scattered all over my body and my muscles aching. It was worth it, because my project was coming together and it was looking great. As I was reflecting on my hard-work, a car stops in front of my house…It was someone I kind of knew…This person shouts out, “HEY, AREN”T YOU THE WRONG COLOR FOR THAT!?” I immediately replied, “excuse me?!” (My thought was, “wait, is this person implying that my landscaping is the wrong color? Must be, because there is no way in hell this person said what I think I heard.”)

“Shouldn’t your husband be out here doing that?!”

For those of you that do not know, my husband is Mexican – American.

Being white has brought on to me the burden of other white racists harassing me with their racist beliefs. The problem with being white is that other white people think all white people are racist just like them.

When people say that racism does not exist anymore or that affirmative action is no longer necessary, I automatically think about all the white people that openly discuss their racist views around me…they think they are in a “safe zone” because I am white and since I am white I must agree with them. That is how ego-centered these people are.

Was the person in the car that afternoon trying to be funny? or was this an attempt at sympathy for my exhaustion? Whatever the reason, it sucked! I stopped feeling proud of my work. I began to feel sad for my family. I put my shovel away, went inside, sat down on my couch (not even considering the dirt and sweat) and thought about what was said and how hurt I was. Why did this one persons remark affect me so much? The thing is, this isn’t the only person to say things like this. As I was reflecting on that couch, I began to get mad at myself for not telling this person and all of the people, how mean they sounded. I had a million responses as I sat there and did not get a chance to say any of them.

I didn’t get to say anything that day, or the other days when other people have said similar things around me, but now I have a blog! I have had over 1100 views on my blog in less than a week! (THANK YOU SO MUCH!) So, I am going to use this opportunity to express myself to all the white racists that think I am just like them…

Dear White Racists,

Please stop. I am not like you. Not all white people are like you. You are offensive and sound like an ignorant, un-educated idiot. When you tell me, “well, you know what I mean?” I immediately think, “yes! you are racist and you don’t even know it!” Here is the deal, to the obviously ignorant and insensitive, my husband is Mexican and even more importantly, my kids are Mexican. When you speak to me negatively about the Hispanic culture or any people of color, you are speaking about my family. Quite frankly, it is highly offensive and it makes me sad! Please stop! I am judging you and I am talking about you. I am telling people about how bad you suck. Consider this your warning. Next time I will reveal names.

Thank you.

Disclaimer: Being overly politically correct is boring and offensive in of itself. It is ok to see color and cultural differences. They exist! Let’s just make sure to do it out of love.