I see it all too often…Marriages ending when the pedestal breaks.
You know that exciting time at the beginning of your relationship when everyone is on their best behavior? and looking their best? For example, in-shape, clean, man-scaped, polite, complementary, calm? That is the time when your significant other, AKA your S.O., is constantly complementing you, touching you, paying attention to you? That is the pedestal. It is brand spanking new. You are sitting right on top. Your S.O. put you up there. It’s a great feeling, I know.
The pedestal is a very important aspect to the beginning of a relationship. The beginning of any new relationship is very fragile. Because of the fragility, it is necessary to keep each other secure so the relationship will thrive. The pedestal is a critical tool at this point for this reason however, it is not constructed to last forever.
I am here to alert you that the pedestal does not come with a lifetime warranty. They always break. This action is ok for about 50% of marriages. Unfortunately for the additional 50%, divorce ensues shortly after. If you know of a couple that has been together for more than 10 years and their pedestal is still in “mint” condition, it is probably because someone had it secretly replaced (read between the lines here).
All too often I hear about couples that divorce because they are bored, or feeling under-appreciated or because the romance is gone…WHATEVER…this happens in all marriages. We have to work as a team to make time for one another and to keep the romance alive. It is easy to become lazy or comfortable when the pedestal breaks. We can not rely on the pedestal to keep our marriages sufficient forever. It is an unattainable goal.
You might be thinking I am a skeptic or some sort of a “Negative Nancy”…No, I am not, I am a realist. I know that I am no longer sitting on top of my pedestal and neither is my S.O.. We are aware of this martial stage and have accepted it. As long as we are cool living without a pedestal, we will remain imperfectly-happily married. The individuals that are in need of the pedestal, AKA living in an idealist world, become disappointed and end up divorced or start searching outside the marriage for a new pedestal.
In the natural order of marriage your love for each other will become so secure and so confident that there won’t be a need for the pedestal anymore. Once you get over yourself and accept this, you will endure an everlasting love. Romance may fizzle, but the love is eternal and that is the true beauty of marriage.
Self disclosure: Sex will keep the marriage in tact. Keep doing it.