Going Back in Time

…only to find that you’re the only one living there. The town has been abandoned or worse, everything remains in and out-of-place. Some things have evolved at the some time other things have deteriorated.  Realizing the way you left someone or someplace isn’t as it was. We dream to ourselves, we reminisce to our peers and then we move on with our future. All along believing what we dwell on is as it was and will forever be until we realize its new truth by seeing it as it now is.

The drunk is now sober. The sober is now drunk. The city is now a farm and the farm is now a city. The house is a parking lot and the parking lot is now a suburb. The heart misses, the mind retracts, the future rolls on without regard to any of this being possible.

After many moments acceptance rolls in and with that comes new appreciation for what has become. Simultaneously, fear and dread appear, reminding us that nothing lasts forever. We too have become something different or worse…we stayed the same.


My Own Biggest Fan…

I know I am ass, HOWEVER…

I am my own biggest fan!

I may unintentionally offend many people with my vulgarities and my absurd,  one-sided opinions but it is who I am or better yet, it is how I cope with my flawed personality. And we all have a flawed personality.

Here is an example of what I mean: after a night out with friends or acquaintances I lay awake at night laughing at the unusual things that came out of my mouth. I react this way because most of the stuff I say I just thought of right there in the moment. Nothing is rehearsed or thought through. If it was I know I would NEVER say it.  I sometimes laugh for a whole 24 hours afterwards. I also think about  how others join in and how they let their true selves come forward too. It warms my heart so much to hear their laughter and to see them really open up.

The reason I am bringing attention to this is because at the ripe age of 39 I am finally enjoying who I am. I am not enjoying who I am because I think that I am perfect, or because I think I am great,  funny, or right. I enjoy myself because I am flawed…extremely flawed…so flawed that all  I can do is laugh. I am my own biggest joke. How fun is that?! I am literally having a blast with myself at the ripe age of 39, practically all the time. Imagine walking around with your best friend…the funny one! That is what it is like. I insist you give it  a try.

Here are the steps to becoming “Your Own Biggest Fan”:

  1. Acknowledge your flaws. (You really have to be honest with yourself here. )
  2. Announce your flaws to the world. (Be blunt…and loud. The later usually comes naturally.)
  3. Reject what others think of  you. (As long as you aren’t intentionally offending others it isn’t your business what they think of you.)
  4. Realize others really don’t give a shit. (They are too worried about how they come across.)
  5. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. (and snort…snorting is fun!)

Don’t get me wrong, I have gone too far many times. People have backed away or have decided that I am not their kind of person. This is the challenging part. What I do to deal with this rejection and judgement is quite simple. I tell myself that it is better to be liked and accepted for who I truly am than to be restricted just to make someone else like me. The later is how I lived my life for 35 years. I stifled myself so that more people would like me. It worked out ok but I found that I really didn’t enjoy being around the people who I felt I had to be a certain way with.  It was work keeping my true essence to myself. My new way is better because:  Those that accept me are  easy to be around because I can be natural and free and as a result  I have formed more meaningful relationships.

Maybe you are already your own biggest fan. Many people are just born with this confidence and self-acceptance and that is awesome! For me, it came later on and it is better than never!

Now go on and make an ass out of yourself. After you succeed at failing, I would love to hear about it. Write a message on this page about your experience.