PA-LEAzzz! That’s nothing compared to the damage I do regularly. I like to refer to myself as the “real suburban rebel”.
That’s right, I am a real suburban rebel. I stick it to the man frequently. You all better watch out because I can cause some real controversy in any and all towns I visit.
My staple offense is that I never and I mean NEVER wipe the gym equipment off after I use it. Reason? IF you are so concerned with sweat germs then you should wipe it BEFORE you get on. TAKE THAT!
At the school parking lot there reads a sign that says, “no left turn”. Guess what I do every time? Yep! I turn left, even if my destination is to the right. BOO-YAH!
Sometimes I tell people the dish I made is gluten-free when it actually has gluten in it. Hey, lighten up, I only do this to people without the allergy. I do this to vegetarians too. “Is this dish made with vegetarian stock?” me-“Yep”. (H no! I used chicken stock.) PA-LEASE.
No outside drinks? Watch me leisurely drink my can of La Croix in every and all movie theaters. KISS MY GRITS!
I have lived up in here for over 8 years and I will NOT purchase a city sticker. FORGET THAT! “The man” wants to have his hand all up on my windshield. FAT CHANCE.
Library book due in three weeks? That’s a bunch of malarchy! I always return mine in three weeks and one day. SUCKERS!
No Smoking signs make me smoke and I do not even smoke. I don’t know how to inhale. FOOLS! WHO’S THE LOSER NOW?!
If the public bathroom stall is real small, there is no way I am going to flush that toilet while I am still in that micospace. Why? Because all that flushing flings everyone’s poop germs in to the air. FORGET THAT! I coined the line, “wipe and walk”. That’s what a rebel I am…I even have coined phrases.
Speaking of public bathroom stalls…I will always use the handicapped stall if it is available. Why? It is bigger and better and I have enough space to flush. That’s Why! I don’t even feel bad. Sometimes I have to wait to use the bathroom too. CHILLAX the later never actually happened!
Don’t even get me started on “j-walking”….
Take that “the man”! How does it feel?